I love people with hope. I adore them. I always thought that hope is the only good that ever came out of mankind. I have no hope - no hope at all. I lost my hope the first moment I met people, I was still only a child. I always wanted to have hope. But I don't believe it will ever happens. I always thought that people with hope are the greatest people in the world - they are almost good. I don't believe that anyone can be truly good. I hate the human race - I am so ashamed to be part of it! I lost my hope – my hope in humanity – and ever since, I can't trust people, at all. I'm all alone - completely lonely. No one is nothing like me. In my mind, so dark and strange. Sometimes I even wonder if I'm even a human being. Most people think I'm crazy. Usually - I think the same. I'm a mistake - something was never meant to be. There is not a single person in the world like me - no one even similar to me. Once, I trusted people, when I was still only a child. Because I was different from the moment of my birth -even as a little girl I could feel it - even when I was still only a tiny monster - I got stabbed in my heart. I'm so alone, and I believe I would be alone forever. I never chose to be different - I was born this way. But over the years I learned to accept myself. I learned how to take my strangeness, weirdness, and turn it into something good. Since I lost My hope, I am proud to be myself ~ not part of the human race~ and I learned not to trust. Now I know how to ignore what they think- how not to get stabbed in my back. It still happens to me sometimes, but I don't care anymore. I'm lonely - because I cannot be myself with anyone, not even with myself. Even when I'm all alone - I'm still wearing my mask. I always wear them. my lovely, horrible masks. Even when I'm on my on. I can't take them off! Ever! And as hard as I try, I cannot be myself - Ever! I sank into my defenses so deeply, I can't get out! I don't even know my true self! Nobody really knows me - and no one ever would know. I trust no one. I don't have hope that I will ever find someone like me. I wish I could hope. I think it's the only thing that keeps people alive. It's okay. I already accepted the fact that I stay lonely until my death.
But if hope is the only thing that keeps human beings alive, and I have no hope at all ... Then what am I?
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