AVOIDING DANGEROUS PARTNERS


According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, in the U.S. the risk of being victimized by an intimate is 10 times greater for a woman than it is for a man. For every Scott Peterson or O.J. Simpson grabbing the headlines, there are hundreds of men who harm women more subtly, with wounds invisible to the eye. To make matters worse, vital information on the many different kinds of dangerous men has been available only to people who study and treat them, such as criminology and mental health professionals ¯ but not to women in the dating pool.


That situation is about to change. Therapist and student of psychopathology Sandra L. Brown, M.A., has written an important new book that teaches women how to protect themselves from unsafe men. Brown believes that a woman’s ability to make wise dating choices depends on the information she has access to. She notes, "What has been lacking in the literature on relationships and domestic violence is a clear explanation of psychopathology and the forms it takes. Not surprisingly, many women find it liberating to finally access this information."


MISSION STEER CLEAR: AVOIDING DANGEROUS MEN


So, what is a dangerous man? Most of us immediately think of someone who is physically violent. But there are other behaviors that are dangerous to a woman’s emotional and spiritual growth and quality of life. There are men who want mothers, men who prey on recently wounded women, men who are emotionally unavailable, and men who are hiding mental illness, addiction, or other relationships. All are, in a sense, soul deadening: They threaten a woman’s safety and economic security, undermine her self-confidence, and destroy her peace of mind.


Says Brown, "Most people mistakenly think of dangerous men as, by definition, physically violent. In fact, personality profiles for dangerous men show that this is not always so. Many women who have come to me for long-term counseling were in relationships with men who never hit them. Yet, the damage was incredible." She adds, "A dangerous man is any man who harms a woman's emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual, or financial self."


DATING 101: KEEPING BODY AND SOUL INTACT


In our culture, "dating skills" are often defined as learning to be more appealing or accommodating; the emphasis is placed on attracting men. However, successfully attracting a man is not good news if he’s unsafe, and many women need to learn how to distinguish the merely deadbeat from the truly dangerous. Ignoring their own internal warning signs ¯ their personal red flags ¯ during the early phases of dating, they leave themselves exposed to harmful men.


In her savvy, straightforward way, Brown provides tools that will help women keep their bodies and souls intact. Her book provides essential information on:


--the character and behavior of eight types of dangerous men


--why women make themselves vulnerable to dangerous men


--how to take an honest inventory of your own dating behaviors


--the eleven signs of a bad dating choice


--how to make your own "do-not-date" checklist


--how to develop a support system for safe dating


--how to get out of a relationship with a dangerous man why some levels of dangerousness are not curable


FOR WOMEN OF ALL CLASSES, ETHNICITIES, AND AGE GROUPS:


Each chapter is illustrated with stories of real women from all walks of life ¯ Ph.D.s and businesswomen, teachers and nurses, athletes and artists, grocery clerks and mill workers, straight-A college girls and high school dropouts. Despite their differences, all of these women have something in common: They ignored their internal red flags, dated dangerous men, were trapped in bad relationships ¯ and, after getting out, moved on to someone else just like him.


Says Brown, "This issue cuts across all classes, ethnicities and age groups ¯ it’s not just young women and high school girls who haven’t yet developed the skills to identify and avoid harmful partners. Despite the many life skills they’ve acquired, educated and professional women are equally vulnerable. Many have made a career of serial dating one dangerous man after another!"


CHANGING RISKY DATING BEHAVIORS: Fortunately, risky dating behaviors can be targeted and altered. Using checklists, exercises, and a direct approach honed in her workshops, Brown shows women how to choose partners wisely, avoid pain and danger, and improve their chances of hooking up with good men. How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved is for all women who have a history of bad relationships and want to regain control of their lives. It also serves as prevention for women who do not have a history of bad relationships — and don’t want one.