Have you read He’s Just Not That Into You and thought, “Okay, dickwad. I get it. Now what?” Do The Rules make you shudder? Are you too cynical for the self-help section? Stress no more, solo girl: Here are ninety-eight solid suggestions for owning the dating scene. Step aside, Dr. Phil, meta-self-help is here.

Witty, snarky, and (deep down) sincere, Elizabeth Paulson offers advice and encouragement for twenty- and thirty-somethings on their quest to find love—or at least requited lust. There’s something here for everyone:

• Want a doctor? Candy stripes have never looked so good on you!
• Firemen more your style? Discover their local watering hole and brush up your barkeep skills.
• Does the strong, silent type make you hot? Join a gun club and watch the kick.
• Tired of trying so hard? Alaska boasts nearly 2 single guys for every single girl. And you’ll get used to the cold. Honest.

Each suggestion includes a handy benefit-cost analysis, geographic recommendation, and likelihood of success. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, at the least, we hope you’ll get laid.