The good news: you won’t stop laughing. The bad news: Every word is true.

Profiling fifty of the most disgusting, painful, life-threatening and otherwise icky diseases, this remarkable book is the perfect treat for the closet temperature-taker, speed-dialing doctor stalker, or tissue-wielding virus-phobe in all of us. Each disease is fully documented, including a checklist of symptoms, an overview, treatment, prognosis, and—for the rare cases in which the reader is not yet infected—notes on prevention. With fascinating, sickeningly accurate text written by a member of the editorial staff in the Infectious Disease Department of Elsevier, The Hypochondriac’s Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have is capable of startling even the most health-confident into fanatical hand washing.