Seventeen million students between the ages of 18 and 24 enroll in a college program every year. The majority of those students know the value of a No. 2 pencil and the educated guess. But don’t worry—one of those elements is not needed here!

Ripe for parody, standardized test prep books certainly teach the average student many things: spelling their own name correctly, what an analogy is, the difference between “ennui” and “enervate”, and how fast that train headed west from Chicago must be traveling.

But none of this information is useful, and very little of it relates to a student’s real life. Provocative math problems should help one decide the percentage of dateable guys in a college dorm; crazy word problems can show a graduate how to be creative in drafting their resume without actually lying; and snarky analogies are to tests what humor is to readers!

Endorsed by no one, accepted everywhere it is, the downright dirty and completely useless B.S.A.T. represents both the fun missing from the standardized tests and the best time-waster that doesn’t need a dial-up connection!