You've hit the golden years, but it feels more like the Twilight Zone.

You receive birthday cards from funeral homes. You need three pairs of glasses to get through the morning paper. Your old friends are dropping like flies. On a good day, nothing hurts until your medication wears off. Well, fear not. You're not alone: senior citizens are the fastest-growing segment of the population. You haven't lost your marbles. You're simply having a few Senior Moments.

As a public service comes this book -- in large print for your convenience -- to reassure you that you haven't gone senile. You're simply experiencing a second childhood....

Solve your gardening problems with items from your pantry From the man who taught Jay Leno to shave with Jif Peanut Butter and Rosie O'Donnell to condition her hair with Reddi-wip, Joey Green's Gardening Magic is a compendium of practical tips for any gardener. An astounding variety of household items can do double duty outside the home. Here is a just a sample of the more than 1,000 ideas you will find within: -Control aphids with Tabasco Sauce -Waste weeds with Heinz White Vinegar -Grow moss with Dannon Yogurt -Germinate seeds with Saran Wrap and Bounty Paper Towels -Make a scarecrow with Glad Trash Bags -Store plant bulbs with L'Eggs Sheer Energy Panty Hose -Kill slugs with Budweiser This wonderfully quirky, entertaining, and useful guide makes a great gift, too. Organized by gardening topic, Joey Green's Gardening Magic will teach you how to use these convenient solutions and make a better garden....

We must declare war on the disease of hyperefficiency and reembrace the American virtues of laziness, indolence, and sloth. . . . Workers of the world unite! . . . Take a vacation! . . . You have nothing to lose but your health insurance." --You Know You Need a Vacation If . . .

You Know You Need a Vacation If . . . is a compelling read for the 80 percent of the workforce who feel they are overworked and for the more than 35 percent of employees who annually forfeit their vacations.

If you begin using your cell phone before leaving your driveway, or if you have no idea what your house looks like in daylight, this book is for you. Joey Green and Alan Corcoran offer more than 250 additional telltale signs that you're, indeed, in need of some downtime.

In the spirit of workplace-humor sensations like The Office, Dilbert, and Office Space, You Know You Need a Vacation If . . . advises taking a vacation if:

* You dial 9 for an outside line-from home.

* You've paid $35 for missing a dentist appointment.

* The only church you attend is in turbulence at 35,000 feet.

* You stay five-hours late at the office "to avoid rush hour traffic....

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