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From the wickedly hilarious pen of Southern humorist Celia Rivenbark comes a collection of essays that brings to mind Dave Barry (in high heels) or Jeff Foxworthy (in a prom dress).
Step into the wacky world of “womanless wedding” fund-raisers, in which Bubbas wear boas. Meet two sisters who fight rural boredom by washing Budweiser cans and cutting them into pieces to make clothing. Learn why the word snow sends any right-thinking Southerner careening to the Food Lion for extra loaves of bread and little else.
Humor columnist and slightly crazed belle-by-birth Celia Rivenbark tackles these and other lard-laden subjects in Bless Your Heart, Tramp, a hilarious look at Southern---and just plain human---foibles, up-close and personal.
So pour yourself a glass of sweet tea and curl up on the pie-azza with Bless Your Heart, Tramp. ...
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Celia Rivenbark is an intrepid explorer and acid commentator on the land south of the Mason-Dixon Line. In this collection of screamingly funny essays, you’ll discover:
*How to get your kid into a character breakfast at Disney World (or run the risk of eating chicken out of a bucket with Sneezy)*Secrets of Celebrity Moms (don’t hate them because they’re beautiful when there are so many other reasons)*ebay addiction and why “It ain’t worth having if it ain’t on ebay”*Why today’s children’s clothes make six-year-olds look like Vegas showgirls with an abundance of anger issues*And so much more!
Celia Rivenbark’s essays about life in today’s South are like caramel popcorn---sweet, salty, and utterly irresistible. ...
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Hang on to your hats! We’re in for some fiercely funny weather and crackling-sharp observations from Celia Rivenbark, of whom USA Today has said, “Think Dave Barry with a female point of view.” With her incomparable style and sassy southern wit, you’ll hear from Celia on: - The joys of remodeling Tara
- How Harry Potter bitch-slaps Nancy Drew
- Britney’s To-Do list: pick okra, cover that thang up
- How rugby-playing lesbians torpedoed beach day
- Why French women suck at competitive eating
- The truth about nature deficit disorder
- The difference between cockroaches and water bugs
- The beauty of Bedazzlers
- And much, much more!
Whether she’s doing her taxes or extolling the virtues of Madonna’s mothering skills, Celia Rivenbark will keep you laughing until the very last page. ...
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No matter what side of the Mason-Dixon line you live on, you will find Celia Rivenbark's hilarious observations about Southern living as easy as a tall drink of sweet tea on a hundred degree day. In this latest collection of laugh-out-loud essays, you'll experience:*The joys of Remodeling Tara*Harry Potter Bitch-slaps Nancy Drew*Britney's To Do List: Pick Okra, Cover That Thang Up*How Rugby-playing Lesbians Torpedoed Beach Day*Why French Women Suck at Competitive Eating*The Truth About Nature Deficit Disorder *The difference between cockroaches and water bugs*The beauty of Bedazzlers*And much, much more! ...
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Bestselling Author of We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier and Bless Your Heart, Tramp Hang on to your hats! We’re in for some fiercely funny weather and crackling-sharp observations from Celia Rivenbark, of whom USA Today has said, “Think Dave Barry with a female point of view.” With her incomparable style and sassy southern wit, you’ll hear from Celia on: --The joys of remodeling Tara --How Harry Potter bitch-slaps Nancy Drew --Britney’s To-Do list: pick okra, cover that thang up --How rugby-playing lesbians torpedoed beach day --Why French women suck at competitive eating --The truth about nature deficit disorder --The difference between cockroaches and water bugs --The beauty of Bedazzlers And much, much more! Whether she’s doing her taxes or extolling the virtues of Madonna’s mothering skills, Celia Rivenbark will keep you laughing until the very last page.
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From the author of the bestselling classics We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier, and Bless Your Heart, Tramp, comes a collection of essays so funny, you’ll shoot co’cola out of your nose. Topics include such gems as: • Why Miss North Carolina is too nice to hate • How Gwyneth Paltrow wants to improve your pathetic life • Strapped for cash? Try cat whispering • Sex every night for a year? How do you wrap that? • Get yer Wassail on: It’s carolin’ time • Airlines serving up one hot mess • Action figure Jesus • Why Clay Aiken ain’t marrying your glandular daughter • And much more! Complete with a treasure trove of Celia’s genuine southern recipes, You Can’t Drink All Day if You Don’t Start in the Morning is sure to appeal to anyone who lives south of something. ...
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Why couldn't the Sopranos survive living down South? Simple. You can't shoot a guy full of holes after eating chicken and pastry, spoon bread, okra, and tomatoes.
What does a Southern woman consider grounds for divorce? When daddy takes the kids out in public dressed in their pajama tops and Tweety Bird swim socks. Again.
What is the Southern woman's opinion of a new "fat virus" theory? Bring it on! We've got a lot of skinny friends we need to sneeze on.
In this wickedly funny follow-up to her bestselling novel Bless Your Heart, Tramp, Celia Rivenbark welcomes you, once again, to the South she loves, the land of "Mama and them," "precious and dahlin'," and mommies who mow. Y'all come back now, you hear?
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